Thursday, November 29, 2007

First of all, anybody who knows Bob and Doug MacKenzie knows this isn't true


Study: Canadian Beer Drinkers Threaten Planet.

Scientists have found a new threat to the planet: Canadian beer drinkers.

The government-commissioned study says the old, inefficient "beer fridges" that one in three Canadian households use to store their Molson and Labatt's contribute significantly to global warming by guzzling gas- and coal-fired electricity.

"People need to understand the impact of their lifestyles," British environmental consultant Joanna Yarrow tells New Scientist magazine. "Clearly the environmental implications of having a frivolous luxury like a beer fridge are not hitting home. This research helps inform people - let's hope it has an effect."

The problem is that the beer fridges are mostly decades-old machines that began their second careers as beverage dispensers when Canadians upgraded to more energy-efficient models to store whatever Canadians eat besides doughnuts and poutine. [An undeserved cheap shot. What about Canadian bacon? Ed.]

University of Alberta researcher Denise Young, who led the study, suggests that provincial authorities hold beer-fridge buy-backs or round-ups to eliminate the threat - methods that Americans use to get guns off the streets.
I take Ms Yarrow's point to be that what we need are unfrivolous luxuries, such as environmental consultants who live in countries where they drink their beer warm, but have yet to fully appreciate the idea of central heating.

As far as Ms Young's "buy backs" go, I have a better idea. Why not just give everyone a new fridge free? Then the current one replaces the beer fridge, and the beer fridge gets shipped to a freon recycling site somewhere in Nunavut. Everyone knows you can't SELL fridges there anyway, so no one would be tempted to actually use the wheezer freezers.

The steel in just 3 of those babies could be recycled into a 1957 Buick Roadmaster, and the lead solder components could be sold to China. They seem to use a lot of it.

If buying a new fridge for every Canadian is considered a frivolous entitlement beyond the power of the government, then simply create a Canadian Fridge Registry. It worked for guns didn't it?

And in 15 or 20 years you're going to want to know who has those obsolete 2007 fridges for the next expropriation round, right? Bob and Doug would.

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